That's why when I learned of this fascinating cave system relatively near me, I thought it would be a great thing to do for a nice field trip. Certainly, the description of the cave starts out pleasantly enough, and had I not read further I could possibly have been convinced to actually visit this wonderful spot!
"Timpanogos Cave National Monument sits high in the Wasatch Mountains. The cave system consists of three spectacularly decorated caverns. The cave (actually a system of three limestone caves) is the main focus of the National Monument. To take the cave tour is about an hour long, and you have to go in with a ranger."
American Fork Canyon
Though being slightly claustrophobic, I thought an hour poking around a cave on a guided tour sounded fun. That is, until I read the following:
"As visitors climb to the cave entrance, on a hike gaining over 1,000 feet in elevation, they are offered incredible views of American Fork Canyon."
CLIMB to the cave entrance??? Do they also issue rappelling gear? I began to think twice about this, yet I read on:
"To get to the cave for the tour, there is a 1 1/2 mile hike up a paved trail that ascends over 1100 feet. Several benches along the way offer the weary hiker some rest."
Being a native Floridian, I recall how difficult it was to become accustomed to the regular 6000 foot elevation here with the very thin, smoggy air which reduces normally healthy folks to panting and wheezing wimps for most of the winter (which, by the way is approximately 11 out of 12 months of the year in Northern Utah). Still thinking of going, I told myself "OK, a mile and half- that should be ok as long as it's not 105 degrees". Then it dawned on me how steep the incline would have to be to ascend 1100 feet in that short of a distance. Red flags of warning began to go off and visions of hospital stretchers danced in my head.
Where are the Flying Wallendas?
Where are the advertised benches?
Not good if you have acrophobia
While still foolishly considering a visit, the tour guide mentioned casually:
"This cave system is known for its abundance of helictites, its formation colorations, its fault-line views and its alpine surroundings. Along the cave tour, visitors can see these fault lines running along the passages."
WHAT WAS THAT? FAULT-LINE VIEWS??? As in....... EARTHQUAKES???
This wasn't sounding so great at this point, BUT WAIT: There are some words of comfort from our travel guide:
"The ranger told us that in the event of an earthquake, we were safer in the cave, right under the fault line than we would be outside. Because when an earthquake happens, the sonic waves emanate out and the fault line stays still."
OK.... so I'm deep underground, still gasping and wheezing from my long uphill climb in the wafer-thin air. Suddenly the earth begins to move (my apologies to Carole King) and I find myself in a hole in the ground in Utah. The fault line might, in fact, stay still, but what about the cave and the mountain atop the cave during this earthquake? Won't all that geography be jiggling around like a bowl of Utah Jell-O?
Visions of being trapped in a rural mining disaster flashed before my eyes.
Entrance to Timpanogos Cave
Jello - Utah's Official Snack Food
The rest of the guide disclosed some other fascinating experiences one might have during this excursion:
"ROCKFALL can occur at any point on the trail. Most of the time rockfall may be heard before it is seen."
MOST OF THE TIME? What about the REST of the time? Do they have stealth rockfall, too???
"The areas of the greatest amount of rockfall are marked with a red stripe."
Why, what a handy color! Must save on clean-up expenses...
Color-coded for your convenience
"When rockfall is heard, immediately duck down on the inside of the trail, close to the wall, and cover your head with your hands and arms. Remember not to stop in the red striped areas."
I get the duck and cover part. Probably would come naturally. But, what if the rock fall occurs in the red striped areas (where it's most likely to happen) and you "remember not to stop"? What are you supposed to do when you see the boulders come rolling downhill at you? Jump off the cliff???? And why don't they issue mandatory helmets for all hikers dumb enough to go on this excursion.. or is this some backwards type of Darwinian experimental management technique in a state that's still fighting over whether they should teach evolution in public schools?
One visitor found their experience at the cave so exciting, they were compelled to write the following comments about their visit: "The tour guide [appears at the cave's] entrance. From here you get a 10-15 minute introduction and get-to-know-you-better session. You might want to bring your No-Doz. Inside the anticlimactic Hansen Cave, I asked the tour guide how long the tour would take. Her response was something like "You ain't going no where, HA HA HA!"
A little too long in the wilderness?
Well, friends, as if all this doesn't sound like enough fun, you can apparently have some close encounters of the wildlife kind while on your Trail O' Death to the cave, as is evidenced by this bit of historical data:
"The legend goes that Martin Hansen, a Mormon Settler from American Fork, followed mountain lion tracks while out hunting and discovered the caves in 1887. It has been well documented that mountain lions use other rock shelters in American Fork Canyon. In winter it is common to see the big cat's tracks along the trail."
Apparently, it is home to other friendly critters, as well....
Beastie warning
Tipanogos Ear Bat
If you're not anywhere NEAR this adventurous, through the miracle of the internet, you don't have to be! There is a Timpanogos Cave National Monument virtual field trip online for free.
"As a part of the trip you may “hike” the 1.5-mile trail up the North wall of the American Fork Canyon, which leads to the Timpanogos cave system. You will then be able to explore the passages in the caves that are accessible during cave tours. Along the way to the caves, you can stop to see beautiful scenery and sites of geologic interest."
And to think - you can do all this WHILE STILL BREATHING!!!
You may take the virtual tour at:
Timpanogos Cave - A Virtual Experience
I'm almost ready for my online tour, but first just let me finish painting this red stripe across my desk chair.
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